Insecurity

Hi I'm very happy for sharing this
But feeling insecure at the same time
I used to tell many ppl about my principal.  About why I'm still single until my 20 something. About my perspective about love,  man, marriage, having children and much more.
I feel so proud. Okay.  I USED to feel so proud. For my strong and unbroken principal as an independent woman livin in this 2017, I should've been proud, right?

But maturity told me just the opposite. Hmm well it might be not maturity cause I'm not that mature haha. It might be because of experience.
I just think that how if a lot of people know about me, my self,  how hard Ive been struggling for my principal, how hard I keep my self for the right one,  and then (I hope not)  I fail ?
I don't want ppl seeing me sadly and say "oh poor her ..."
Or
How if the man that finally can make my heart fall in, does not that worth for all my struggle ?
Well I'm not seeing man based on wealthy, body, face, career, etc. But this case ( OK its only my insecurity)....
How if he HURTS me?  And how if he is the first man ever whom i trust my life to?
Okay I'm not hoping that my love life will totally fail. Im still hoping that everything will be alright even it's for the first time. But who knows ?

Let's called it's only my insecurity.  But let's say that I'm right. Everything can happened, every kind of man can come to ur life and you can fall in love with anyone even beyond of what you ve dreamt before! And I'm afraid I will fall into someone and rely my life on someone that will use my principal for his benefits
I can't tell u the exactly case but I feel that I have to keep my principal as a secret.  I don't want anyone to talk over me or laugh over me

I want them to see my achievement, and my principal in facing this world expect Love.

Ingat beth kl suatu saat km mau khilaf, ingat km pernah nulis ini wkwkwkwk